A tip that will help you feel calmer and more confident.

By Alice Boyes, PhD. | Uncategorized

This is one of my favorite tips for feeling calmer and more confident…

…Try to catch yourself when you are avoiding something.

There are two types of avoidant coping you need to catch.

Type 1. Avoiding doing something.

For example,
– You are avoiding working on a problem in your life that you need to work on,
– You are avoiding weighing yourself because you don’t want to face up to your weight,
– You are avoiding having a conversation about something you want, or
– You are avoiding managing your spending.

Type 2. Avoiding thinking about something.

For example,
– you have no close friends but you try not to think about it (you block out the thoughts to avoid feeling sadness).

Avoidant coping is one of the main causes of out-of-control stress, depression, anxiety, low self esteem, relationship problems, and eating issues. Why?

When you avoid something it tends to infect other areas of your life.

When you avoid something, you typically feel INCREASINGLY POWERLESS about that thing over time.

When you feel powerless/anxious about some aspects of your life, it tends to spill over to feeling more powerless and/or more anxious about other aspects of your life.

Even things that seem like little avoidances, add up and can be very significant.

When you give yourself the message that you’re powerless, you feel worse, your self esteem suffers and in turn you end up doing more avoidant coping, and the cycle continues.

It’s not that you really are powerless but avoidant coping leads you to think you’re powerless.

What you can do?

When you’re having negative emotions, try doing something you’ve been avoiding. It’s a GREAT way to reduce feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, stress, and feel calmer and more confident.

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