By Alice Boyes, PhD.

Surprisingly Effective, Easy Relationship Communication Skills Tips for Men and Women #3

Another surprisingly effective, fill-in-the-blanks, Relationship Communication Skills Tip for men and women. General form Request > then > State the benefit to the other person of doing what you want. Examples If you listen to me complain about work for a few mins without offering problem solving solutions, I will feel like you are being...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

3 Easy Types of Validation: Easy Relationships Communication Skills Tips for Couples #2

Easy Relationships Communication Skills Every Couple Should Have in Their Tool Kit 3 Easy Types of Validation to help your relationship communication run more smoothly. Type 1. Validate then Request. Example “I can see you’re tired from work, but would you help me with… sometime tonight.” Type 2. Validate Before Saying No. Example – General...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

Easy Relationship Communication Skills Tips for Couples #1

Here is a 1 min relationship communication skills tip that every couple should have in their tool kit. If you are feeling both angry and a soft emotion (e.g., anxious, nervous, fearful, hurt, lonely, or embarrassed) …label your soft emotions when you tell your partner about your feelings. Example “I felt a bit anxious and...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

Sex and Anxiety

Some of the clients who come to see me for anxiety (who are often in good relationships) report not having had sex for a looong time (often years). For example, people with panic disorder often avoid sex because the physical sensations feel too similar to panic (getting hot, heart racing, sweating, a sense of being...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

How to Build Self Confidence

This article describes a simple, practical technique for How to Build Self Confidence. If you want to know why this works, you can read that section at the bottom of the article. The example I’ve given is a social anxiety situation but you can also use this for situations in which you are feeling low...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

Procrastination Help

Real Procrastination Help When you procrastinate, it’s not so much that you’re avoiding doing the procrastinated action,… …you’re avoiding the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that get triggered when you do the procrastinated action (or in some cases when you think about doing the procrastinated action). It’s a type of experiential avoidance, meaning you avoid...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

How to Improve a Relationship: 1 Minute Tip.

When people think about how to improve a relationship, they typically think about how to decrease negative thoughts, emotions, and interactions. But, increasing positive thoughts, emotions and interactions, is at least as important for improving relationships as decreasing negativity. The following example relates to couples but this advice could be applied to any close relationship....

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

Preventing Burnout: Do You Recognize The Early Warning Signs That You're Not Taking Care Of Yourself?

I’m going to give you some ideas, but your task is to come up with a list of 4-6 of your own early warning signs that you’re not taking good enough care of yourself. Hint: Try to make your early warning signs as objective as possible – meaning it would be impossible to dispute whether...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

Here is a Method to Reduce Self Criticism and Feel Better

If you’re a reasonably conscientious person (and if you’re reading a self improvement blog, you probably are!), reducing self-criticism is likely to help you achieve more success and happiness both personally and in your social relationships. A happier you is better for you and for the world (proof of this). The technique below is adapted...

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By Alice Boyes, PhD.

New Month, New 30 Day Project…..

…..30 Days of Putting Away 1 Item Each Day (i.e. a tidying project). Think of this as a “gateway” project – an easy 30-Day Project like this one is an awesome way to get the confidence to try other 30-Day Projects. And then the sky’s the limit. After doing a few different 30 Day Projects,...

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