By aliceboyes

Rumination

Rumination = the tendency to respond to distress by repetitively (and passively) focusing on the causes and consequences of your problems, without moving to active problem solving. Here's two questions I find help me: When I notice myself ruminating, in a very gentle & kind tone, I ask myself..... ...

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By aliceboyes

Keepin' The Lovin' Feelin'

Almost all of you reading this will have had an experience of having been in a romantic relationship that got less happy as time went on. What goes wrong? “When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness, according to a landmark study by Ted...

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By aliceboyes

Self Worth

I thought I’d do something I haven’t done before – open a post up for comments. This is my version of an exercise from Dr Kristin Neff’s book. The exercise is for helping you reduce the extent to which your feelings of self worth are contingent on being superior to others. Or, as Kristin puts...

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By aliceboyes

Trust in Relationships

What’s at the root of your argument? Relationship arguments tend to be fundamentally about versions of the question “Can I rely on you?” Examples 1. Can I rely on you to comfort me effectively when I need it? 2. Can I rely on you to support my exploration in the world? 3. Can I rely...

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By aliceboyes

Healthy Emotion Regulation Strategies Pyramid

I’ve been getting lots of feedback that people like the visual learning tools. Modeled on the Healthy Food Pyramid. It’s a pdf. View or download it at the link below. Healthy Emotion Regulation Strategies Pyramid Now, it’s your turn to make your own You probably have your own ideas and preferences for emotion regulation strategies...

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By aliceboyes

Getting Back That Lovin' Feelin'

Have you ever wondered why couples talk baby talk to each other? Its because evolution didn’t create a new system for bonding partners together, it just borrowed the system for bonding parents and children. That’s why couples do a lot of the same things that parents/children do e.g., baby talk, kissing, touching, eye gazing. Those...

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By aliceboyes
By aliceboyes

Time Management Tips: The Best Time for Developing a System For a Task Is After You've Done The Task?

Timing If you’ve just done a task and you’re going to need to do it again at some future time point: write yourself a list of the steps required for doing the task. Since you’ve just done the steps, you will know what they were, and will then have this document available for next time....

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By aliceboyes

Automation to Reduce Stress. Setting Calendar Reminders for the Time You Need the Information.

One of the principles of a productivity system called Getting Things Done is that people need a system for being reminded of the information they need, at the moment they need to be reminded of it, without needing to hold the information in mind until that time. This reduces mental effort and drain. When I...

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By aliceboyes

What?! You Mean There is an Alternative to Feeling Inadequate All the Time. Increasing Self Compassion, and Why It Isn't Wimpy or Indulgent.

Research into the psychological benefits of self-compassion is an emerging trend in psychology. I actually prefer the term self kindness. Self-compassion is about learning alternative responses when you are experiencing psychological suffering (suffering includes when you’re feeling frustrated, anxious, or when you’re feeling disconnected from other people etc), rather than using self-criticism. Online Self-Compassion Test...

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