Ever get the feeling that you’re behaving in ways that are consistent with your values?
To help overcome this, you might like to try getting clearer on what your values actually are.
A therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT, pronounced like the word rather than A,C,T) has some good ideas for how to do this.
ACT makes [...]
1. Nesting
If you’ve moved out of your family home it’s important you create a “nest” for yourself in your new home.
e.g. Stock your cupboards with fruit and veg and supplies for cooking.
Put some art on the walls.
Buy some indoor plants.
Move all of your stuff from your prior home.
Men frequently avoid doing these things for [...]
Susan has the belief that’s its good to spend money enjoying herself now since there are no guarantees she won’t be run over by a bus tomorrow.
Her partner Patrick has the belief that its important to delay gratification to build wealth to have more options later.
Susan and Patrick argue about money.
What do Patrick and [...]
Extended travel (sabbaticals, Big OEs, moving overseas) is a common pursuit of happiness tactic.
How to Maximize the Psychological Benefits of Travel
I’m going to write more on this topic – this is part 1.
How to understand the emotional dreams that are fueling your travel dreams
Let’s say your travel dream is to travel in Europe for [...]
I’ve previously written (e.g., here and here) about how people generally understand that
their Thoughts/feelings impact their Behaviour
But often fail to recognize how
their Behaviour impacts their Thoughts/feelings
In my experience, even very smart people need a lot of guidance to understand how these concepts relate to their own problems and happiness.
Here’s an example I frequently [...]
This post is a long one because it contains instructions for one of the most important Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) skills. You might want to print it – If you click on the blog post title you will find buttons for printing or emailing at the bottom of that page.
How to Use Disputing Questions to [...]
Hi readers:
Now that most people are back at work for 2010 in New Zealand, I’m planning my schedule for the year.
If you belong to a community group (e.g. Rotary Club, Lions Club) and would like me to speak to your group, then now would be a good time to ask me.
The talk I typically offer [...]
I’ve previously written about how people make mistakes in predicting how happy something will make them (The rate of divorces is a good example of this mis-prediction). Or to put it another way, people make errors in estimating the impact of their specific behaviors on their thoughts and feelings.
When you’re contemplating a behavior change [...]
Let’s say you’re trying to lose weight.
Its after dinner. You’re not exactly hungry but you really want some ice cream. You know you have some ice cream in the fridge and the urge to eat it is very strong.
My advice of what to do in these circumstances is to “urge surf”.
Ask yourself how strong [...]
Exercise is extremely helpful for reducing anxiety (its an important component of treatment for anxiety and depression).
People who are anxious sometimes avoid vigorous exercise because the physical sensations of exertion (consciously or unconsciously) remind them of anxiety.
e.g.
- increased heart rate
- awareness of breathing
- feeling hot and sweating
- tight chest
- tired or wobbly legs
How to Start [...]
Back in mid December I was interviewed by NZ Herald journalist, Alice Neville.
I had forgotten about it until now. The article is called “When Bridesmaids Go Bad” and can be viewed free here –
Dr Alice Boyes, Christchurch Psychologist, quoted in NZ Herald.
The NZ Herald is New Zealand’s largest newspaper so is always a thrill to [...]
One of the first things I do when I’m working with couples who want to have a happier relationship is to help them understand the following info.
Couples who are having problems are typically stuck in one or more (often all 3) of these three patterns of interaction.
The type of Couples Therapy I do in part [...]
Planning to do at least one thing each day you’ll look forward is an important part of treatment for depression, or for anyone who wants to be happier.
On most days your looked forward to activities aren’t likely to be “treat” type activities – more along the lines of la dolce vita (the sweet life) activities.
Happiness [...]
This quick and easy tip is applicable to struggling couples who need help to overcome problem patterns of interacting with each other AND to partnerships that are already in generally good shape for further enhancing happiness.
THE CHALLENGE:
Once a day for a week (it might be more realistic to aim for once a day for 5 [...]
When people start Cognitive Behavioural Therapy treatment for depression, low self esteem, or stress, they often start to feel better within the first few sessions. (It’s been widely shown in research studies that many people experience rapid improvement in their problems and feelings when they start CBT).
While people are experiencing this general improvement they usually [...]
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