Mary notices herself feeling irritated when her brother in law gives her advice about how to do something she already knows how to do.
She thinks: He must think I’m really stupid if he doesn’t know I already know that. In a way, she feels attacked.
She acts: irritated.
She thinks: Maybe he was just trying to be helpful. If he was trying to be helpful, then its nice that he expressed caring. She feels better.
She acts: appreciative.