Here is a 1 min relationship communication skills tip that every couple should have in their tool kit.
If you are feeling both angry and a soft emotion (e.g., anxious, nervous, fearful, hurt, lonely, or embarrassed)
…label your soft emotions when you tell your partner about your feelings.
“I felt a bit anxious and lonely when you said you didn’t want to talk to me the other night.”
Why This Works
Waking Up the Evolved Attachment and Caring System
Expressing soft emotions using one word emotion word labels tends to activate the other person’s evolved attachment and caring system.
Provoking the Evolved Fight/Flight/Freeze Response
Expressing anger tends to provoke the evolved fight/flight/freeze response in the other person. They either attack (fight), withdraw (flight), stonewall (freeze), or get defensive (a bit of both fight and flight).