Blog Posts Tagged "Binge Eating".

This tip follows on from Friday’s An Alternative to Willpower. I want to make sure I’ve explained the underlying principle really clearly.

You can create subtle changes in your behaviour by…

Changing the external cues you encounter in your daily life, in a way that increases the probability of you doing the behaviour you want to increase.

Examples

It’s easy to think of punitive-sounding examples like removing your sofa and any other seating from your lounge, and replacing them with a treadmill. However, try to think of examples that both fulfill the principle, and that you associate with positive emotions.

For example, say you’re a Dad and an important value for you is that you want to spend more just-the-two-of-you time with your 5 year old daughter. You might encourage your partner to go to the movies one night a week, and let your daughter know that you’ll do anything she wants that night while the two of you are home together. That way, your Daddy-daughter alone time is automatically scheduled.

In this example, the change in the external cues virtually guarantees you will do more of the behaviour you want to increase (Daddy-daughter just the two of you time). But, its also worthwhile putting cues in place that just nudge up the probability of you doing the behaviour you want to increase. All the little probability changes add up to significant change. Again, try to come up with examples that fulfill the principle and that you associate with positive emotions, rather than examples that feel like punishment.

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The last couple of weeks I’ve been practicing mindfulness of self criticism.

I’m attempting to notice when I’ve got a self critical internal monologue going on, rather than my own self criticism being so automatic I’m not even aware that I’m doing it.

As a result, I’ve realized how much I use self criticism as a strategy for attempting to achieve greater future success (i.e. make fewer mistakes and get more done).

Here’s a couple of examples of self criticism I noticed myself doing today.

- I misread an email and arrived for an appointment that was next week rather than today.

- I bought a tomato that had mold on it. I criticized myself for not looking it over more carefully when I was buying it, and then again for not being able to find the receipt so I could get a refund (I did find it eventually).

Lately, I’ve been working hard on getting things done in more efficient ways, so these types of screw ups are particularly psychologically painful at the moment.

These types of errors trigger thoughts like… “ugh, one step forward, one step backwards” and “I’ve been working so hard at being efficient and organized, and I’m STILL screwing up.”

Here’s where I take some of my own advice.

I often say to clients

- if you’ve been using a strategy a lot, chances are its going to have already worked to the extent its going to work. Or, if the strategy you’ve been using hasn’t been working, chances are its not going to start working all of a sudden.

It’s ok to be compassionate about your own experiences of psychological pain, even when the pain is your own fault.

I’ve been experimenting with…

1. Telling myself

Its psychologically painful to have screwed up. Maybe it doesn’t matter that the pain was “my own fault” – its still ok to be compassionate about what its like to experience the consequences of whatever has already happened.

and

2. I’ve been working on having a softer, more emotionally open response when these types of things happen.

For example, allowing myself to feel my own feelings of psychological pain in response to screwing up (e.g. disappointment, fatigue, anxiety), rather than emotionally jumping to irritation and self criticism when I haven’t performed as well as I would like to have. Since the psychological pain has already arrived, then being willing to feel it is a good choice (Paradoxically this tends to lead to fewer future problems with those emotions – more info here).

The results of the experiment?

My organization, efficiency, happiness, and non-avoidance are all trending upwards. I think this is mainly due to my A and B tasks 30 day project, but it does not seem like doing reducing self criticism has lead to diminished productivity.

How this might apply to you

You could try becoming more aware of the moments in your day when you experience psychological pain as a result of not living up to your own expectations.

And/or, try experimenting with a different response to one of your common experiences of psychological pain. For example, instead of resolving to diet or exercise after overeating, try something else.

Or, you could just try what I’ve been trying i.e. try to notice instances when you are using an inner monologue of self criticism as a strategy for trying to achieve more success, and question the assumption that self criticism in response to having screwed up will increase your future success.

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Cognitive processes (thought patterns) that lead to starting up again after you have initially stopped.

Learn what your high risk thoughts are. Once you know what your high risk thoughts are, you can prepare some balanced thoughts to counteract the problem thoughts.

These are some common high risk thoughts.

For example:

“I deserve to relax. I’ve worked hard today. Or, I’ve had a hard day”

“I can stop another time”.

“When the time is right I will give up for good. If I feel like going back to smoking or drinking now, maybe now isn’t the right time to give up”.

“When its meant to be, I’ll be successful in giving up permanently”.

“Telling people I’m not smoking/drinking will be awkward. No one believes any more that I will give up for good”.

Write a balanced thought for each specific problem thought. Keep the list in your wallet, or stick it on your fridge or computer screen.

For example, instead of “When the time is right, I will give up for good. If I feel like going back to smoking or drinking now, maybe now isn’t the right time to give up”.

you might try

“Whenever I give up, its going to require that I have the skill of persisting through moments when I feel like going back to my old patterns. Now is a good time to practice that skill and build it up”.

Write down your balanced thought responses before you need them. If you’re avoiding preparing balanced thought responses because it feels difficult, realize that it will only be more difficult to try to do it in moments when your commitment is wavering. Find someone to help you if need be.

Situation cues

Situation cues are very powerful. If you always smoke or drink at Thursday night poker night then don’t arrive at poker night in a hurried, stressed out state. You’ll need some reserves of self regulatory capacity, so have a relaxed day before you go. Plan a relaxed day, or plan a way of relaxing before a known high risk situation.

Practice smoke/drink refusal.

Practice what you’re going to say before you need to say it. Say the words out loud.

I know someone who decided to tell friends she was doing a month long cleanse involving only drinking on 3 days out the week to explain why she wasn’t drinking some nights (she was trying to reduce her drinking rather than giving up entirely). This gave her enough time to firmly establish her new behaviour before she needed to give any further explanations to other people.

If you’re thinking “Telling people I’m not smoking/drinking will be awkward. No one believes any more that I will give up for good”.

you could try instead

“It might feel awkward but I can cope with a little bit of awkwardness. The awkward feelings won’t last long, and my health and well-being is important.”

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