Blog Posts Tagged "Mindfulness".

I’ve been getting lots of feedback that people like the visual learning tools.

Modeled on the Healthy Food Pyramid.

It’s a pdf. View or download it at the link below.

Healthy Emotion Regulation Strategies Pyramid

Now, it’s your turn to make your own

You probably have your own ideas and preferences for emotion regulation strategies that work for you personally (or that you need to remind yourself to use only sparingly).

Alternatively

Alternatively, just stick the one I made up on your wall somewhere and experiment with referring to it and seeing if it helps.

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Research into the psychological benefits of self-compassion is an emerging trend in psychology. I actually prefer the term self kindness.

Self-compassion is about learning alternative responses when you are experiencing psychological suffering (suffering includes when you’re feeling frustrated, anxious, or when you’re feeling disconnected from other people etc), rather than using self-criticism.

Online Self-Compassion Test

You can take an online test of your self-compassion here at self-compassion.org

The test auto scores.

If you want to work on self-compassion, you might choose to take the test now, and then set yourself a calendar reminder to retake the self-compassion test in 1, 3, 6, 9, and 12 months time. Record your answers and observe changes.

For Parents

A generation ago, parenting advice seemed to focus on raising high self esteem children. After that, came a focus on mindful parenting and raising mindful children.

Now it seems like a focus on raising self-compassionate kids might be the next big thing.

Compassion and mindfulness are closely linked since mindfulness is needed to notice your own and others’ psychological suffering, and to recognize how you are responding to yourself/others (with criticism or with kindness) and its effects.

Is self compassion linked to self esteem? Self compassion is more closely linked to the self worth aspect of self esteem than the aspect of self esteem that is about being good at things, or being better than average.

(Self esteem that is hinged on being better than average is a recipe for trouble, because by definition the majority of people are average or worse in terms of any one attribute).

Self Compassion tends to lead to more skillful responding to yourself and the world

People worry that self-kindness will cause them to become lazy or dysregulated, but its more likely to do the opposite. If you have been trying self criticism as a way of regulating your behaviour, then its time to try something else.

Self Compassion Research

This is an interesting study. You can view it free online.

It’s about how self compassion buffers people against the stress of negative events.

The authors conclude “In general, these studies suggest that self-compassion attenuates people’s reactions to negative events in ways that are distinct from and, in some cases, more beneficial than self-esteem.”

Self-compassion helps people feel more connected to others and tends to lead to more pro-social behaviour.

In other words – it is the opposite of selfish!

Dr Kristin Neff’s book about Self Compassion

The author of the website I have linked to, Dr Kristin Neff, had a book on Self Compassion published in April.

Another good self compassion book is

New 30 day Project where I practice what I preach (Update: Now finished and I’m on to a new 30 Day Project.)

My next personal 30 day project is going to be 30 days of self-compassion. You can see what I’m up to on my blog Facebook page. You can also participate if you want.

My life is in good shape so the emotions I need to have self-compassion about are likely to be minor and might seem a bit silly to be mentioning, but I still expect the project to have an effect in helping smooth out anxiety spikes and helping me choose skillful responses. I’m going to use the month to practice the skill of self-compassion and see what happens. Do join if you feel interested/curious about what might happen if you start to notice and change your self-critical responses.

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The last couple of weeks I’ve been practicing mindfulness of self criticism.

I’m attempting to notice when I’ve got a self critical internal monologue going on, rather than my own self criticism being so automatic I’m not even aware that I’m doing it.

As a result, I’ve realized how much I use self criticism as a strategy for attempting to achieve greater future success (i.e. make fewer mistakes and get more done).

Here’s a couple of examples of self criticism I noticed myself doing today.

- I misread an email and arrived for an appointment that was next week rather than today.

- I bought a tomato that had mold on it. I criticized myself for not looking it over more carefully when I was buying it, and then again for not being able to find the receipt so I could get a refund (I did find it eventually).

Lately, I’ve been working hard on getting things done in more efficient ways, so these types of screw ups are particularly psychologically painful at the moment.

These types of errors trigger thoughts like… “ugh, one step forward, one step backwards” and “I’ve been working so hard at being efficient and organized, and I’m STILL screwing up.”

Here’s where I take some of my own advice.

I often say to clients

- if you’ve been using a strategy a lot, chances are its going to have already worked to the extent its going to work. Or, if the strategy you’ve been using hasn’t been working, chances are its not going to start working all of a sudden.

It’s ok to be compassionate about your own experiences of psychological pain, even when the pain is your own fault.

I’ve been experimenting with…

1. Telling myself

Its psychologically painful to have screwed up. Maybe it doesn’t matter that the pain was “my own fault” – its still ok to be compassionate about what its like to experience the consequences of whatever has already happened.

and

2. I’ve been working on having a softer, more emotionally open response when these types of things happen.

For example, allowing myself to feel my own feelings of psychological pain in response to screwing up (e.g. disappointment, fatigue, anxiety), rather than emotionally jumping to irritation and self criticism when I haven’t performed as well as I would like to have. Since the psychological pain has already arrived, then being willing to feel it is a good choice (Paradoxically this tends to lead to fewer future problems with those emotions – more info here).

The results of the experiment?

My organization, efficiency, happiness, and non-avoidance are all trending upwards. I think this is mainly due to my A and B tasks 30 day project, but it does not seem like doing reducing self criticism has lead to diminished productivity.

How this might apply to you

You could try becoming more aware of the moments in your day when you experience psychological pain as a result of not living up to your own expectations.

And/or, try experimenting with a different response to one of your common experiences of psychological pain. For example, instead of resolving to diet or exercise after overeating, try something else.

Or, you could just try what I’ve been trying i.e. try to notice instances when you are using an inner monologue of self criticism as a strategy for trying to achieve more success, and question the assumption that self criticism in response to having screwed up will increase your future success.

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