1. Nesting
If you’ve moved out of your family home it’s important you create a “nest” for yourself in your new home.
e.g. Stock your cupboards with fruit and veg and supplies for cooking.
Put some art on the walls.
Buy some indoor plants.
Move all of your stuff from your prior home.
Men frequently avoid doing these things for [...]
Susan has the belief that’s its good to spend money enjoying herself now since there are no guarantees she won’t be run over by a bus tomorrow.
Her partner Patrick has the belief that its important to delay gratification to build wealth to have more options later.
Susan and Patrick argue about money.
What do Patrick and [...]
Extended travel (sabbaticals, Big OEs, moving overseas) is a common pursuit of happiness tactic.
How to Maximize the Psychological Benefits of Travel
I’m going to write more on this topic – this is part 1.
How to understand the emotional dreams that are fueling your travel dreams
Let’s say your travel dream is to travel in Europe for [...]
One of the first things I do when I’m working with couples who want to have a happier relationship is to help them understand the following info.
Couples who are having problems are typically stuck in one or more (often all 3) of these three patterns of interaction.
The type of Couples Therapy I do in part [...]
This quick and easy tip is applicable to struggling couples who need help to overcome problem patterns of interacting with each other AND to partnerships that are already in generally good shape for further enhancing happiness.
THE CHALLENGE:
Once a day for a week (it might be more realistic to aim for once a day for 5 [...]
Something EXTREMELY important (and reasonably simple) you can do to improve your psychological health and coping abilities is to improve your ability to correctly identify your negative emotions.
Identifying what specific emotions you’re feeling is a psychological skill that people often don’t learn how to do very well in the normal course of growing up.
For [...]
Consider that people have basic personality styles and then a range of different behaviors that stem from those basic styles.
Sometimes the personality styles we love most about our partners are a double edged sword – they lead to a mixture of desirable and undesirable consequences.
Often what perpetually irritates us about partners is behavior that [...]
Do you have secret (or not so secret) fears about yourself? Things you fear might be true about you? Or things you fear other people might think about you?
Common secret fears include:
I’m out of control
I’m weak
I’m defective
I’m needy
I’m fundamentally different from other people
I’ve failed a lot/made a lot of mistakes
I’m powerless
I’m vulnerable
I’m trapped/stuck
I’m unlovable
I’m ugly
I’m [...]
Excitingly for me, yesterday an article about a study I conducted with Professor Janet Latner from University of Hawaii was featured in the NZ Herald (If you’re overweight and looking for love, it pays to be a man: Article written by Simon Collins). The study will be in the July edition of Journal of Sex [...]
I was recently interviewed about “How to breakup without breaking down” by Tara Ali, Features Editor for Women’s Health Magazine.
You can view a pdf copy of the article free here. The article is in the Australian and New Zealand editions of the magazine.
Understanding your psychological “raw spots” can help you make sense of your emotional reactions. Understanding other people’s raw spots (e.g. partners’ raw spots) can help you make sense of their emotional reactions.
How to Recognize When a Psychological Raw Spot is being Activated
In the book Hold Me Tight, Professor of Clinical Psychology Dr Sue Johnson [...]
Last week I did a phone interview with world-leading Positive Psychologist (i.e. happiness scientist) Professor Barb Fredrickson.
Martin Seligman has called Barb Fredrickson “the Genius of the Positive Psychology Movement”.
Barb is author of the 2009 book Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive.
Here’s our conversation. [...]
5 pieces of parenting advice that you can also use to influence your partner’s behavior and enhance couple relationship closeness.
1. “Catch Them Being Good” aka give attention to behaviors you want to increase.
Attention is one of the most powerful reinforcers/rewards i.e. people generally like attention.
Whenever your partner does a behavior you want them to do [...]
All of these are findings from highly quality studies by relationships scientists.
Casual Sex
1. 30% of men are less comfortable with casual sex than the average woman.
Breaking-up
2. Women break up with men more often than the other way around.
Relationship Communication and Managing Conflict
3. There’s no one relationship communication/conflict management style that’s best for relationships.
Any of these three styles [...]
I recently did a UK magazine interview about how couples can successfully negotiate and cope with moving overseas, and although the article is about moving overseas, the advice is broadly applicable to talking about/negotiating any major relationship decision (e.g. getting married, having a baby, moving, a career change).
I’ve copied the full text of the questions [...]
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