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Blog Posts Tagged "Relationships".

Social Communication: Quick Tip

Using the Primacy and Recency Effects To Your Advantage

What Are the Primary and Recency Effects?

If people are presented with a list containing lots of items and asked to recall as many items as they can remember, they typically do best at recalling items that were at the beginning or end of the list (as opposed to in the middle of the list).

Better recall of info presented first = Primacy Effect

Better recall of info present last = Recency Effect

How Might This Be Relevant For Social Communcation?

Try to grease the social wheels at the beginnings and ends of your communication.

Examples:

- When you greet someone for a meeting, pay attention to doing it warmly. Use your speech, body posture, voice tone, and facial expressions to communicate warmth and at least mild enthusiasm/energy.

- A little trick university lecturers use is saying “That’s a great question” when someone asks a question. This is a little trick because it boosts the student but it also gives a few extra seconds for thinking how to answer!

- I often (but not always) start emails with “Thanks for your email” and end emails with something like “Will look forward to meeting you.”

- When I write a list of examples, I (sometimes) try to put the strongest examples – the ones I want people to remember the most- at the beginning of the list. I also make sure the example at the end of the list is a strong example.

- Use sandwich feedback when giving feedback (positive, something to work on, positive). Priming a sense of positive acceptance usually helps people constructively hear the ‘something to work on’ message.

- For couples, when you part in the mornings and reunite in the evenings, create some moments with positive tone (e.g., a goodbye/hello hug, or telling your partner about something that went right in your day before you tell them about anything that went wrong)

Try to take advantage of primacy and recency effects in your face to face communications, phone calls, and emails.

If you’re not naturally good socially (there isn’t any shame in it!), a few simple tips and a little bit of effort can go a long way to enhancing your social communication. A belief you can get better at it is important, or else you’re not likely to bother trying (This is called a growth/fluid mindset vs. a fixed mindset in which you believe something is unchangeable).

Hit me up on Facebook if you have any primacy/recency effect tips of your own. You’ll need to “like” the page in order to get the option to leave a comment. Or, Tweet me.

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Surprisingly Effective, Easy Relationship Communication Skills Tips for Men and Women #3

Another surprisingly effective, fill-in-the-blanks, Relationship Communication Skills Tip for men and women.

General form

Request > then > State the benefit to the other person of doing what you want.

Examples

If you listen to me complain about work for a few mins without offering problem solving solutions, I will feel like you are being really supportive.

Or

If you listen to me complain about work for a few mins without offering problem solving solutions, I will be able to switch into at-home mode and we can have a relaxed evening without talking about it more.

Or

If you pick Matty up from soccer, I will have time to think about something nice to wear to the party.

Why This Works

- This doesn’t guarantee you will get what you want but increases the probability.

- Even when the person says No, using this format can reduce tension around making requests of each other. For this to be the case, it’s good to respect the other person’s No if they do say no. This format is less likely to provoke irritation in your partner compared to other ways of making a request.

This tip is from a therapy called Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).

Read More Surprisingly Effective Easy Relationships Communication Skills Tips

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3 Easy Types of Validation: Easy Relationships Communication Skills Tips for Couples #2

Easy Relationships Communication Skills Every Couple Should Have in Their Tool Kit

3 Easy Types of Validation to help your relationship communication run more smoothly.

Type 1. Validate then Request.

Example

“I can see you’re tired from work, but would you help me with… sometime tonight.”

Type 2. Validate Before Saying No.

Example – General form

“I know you really want me to (do what you want) but I’m not going to. Where should be go from here?”

Example – Specific

“I know you really want me to go for a walk tonight but I’m not going to because I want to watch TV. Sorry darling.”

Type 3. Validate the Validator.

If your partner has been listening to you (especially if listening to you is a bit of hard work!) or has done something else supportive, validate them for doing so.

Examples

“Thanks for listening to me complain about work. I know its not fun to listen to, but I appreciate you being supportive.” (+ Kiss ‘em)

or

“Thanks for listening to me talk about (topic s/he is not interested in). I know you’re not that interested in it, but I appreciate you listening.”

Validate the Validator is a tip from Robert Leahy.

Read More Easy Relationship Communication Skills Tips for Couples

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  • Personal 30-Day Projects:

    Sharing how I use psychology techniques in my own everyday life.

    Current Project: 30 Days of Savoring 1 Thing Per Day View Status Updates.

    Previous 30 Day Projects

    - 30 Days of Reducing Overthinking

    - 30 Days of Putting Away One Out of Place Item Per Day

    - 30 Days of Trying 30 New Things

    - 30 Days of Self-Compassion

    - 30 Days of Prioritizing Tasks

    - 30 Days of Gratitude

    - 30 Days of Meditation

    - 30 Days of Throwing Out 1 Unused Item Per Day.