I’ve previously written (e.g., here and here) about how people generally understand that
their Thoughts/feelings impact their Behaviour
But often fail to recognize how
their Behaviour impacts their Thoughts/feelings
In my experience, even very smart people need a lot of guidance to understand how these concepts relate to their own problems and happiness.
Here’s an example I frequently [...]
A couple of months ago I wrote about Julie Powell – the real Julie from the Julie & Julia movie (you can read my earlier post here). Julie’s year long cooking project, and the blog she wrote about her project, is such a cool example of how quirky, creative (very broadly defined) personal “projects” or [...]
This month I’m in 3 magazines.
For the current edition of Mindfood, I wrote an article about expressing thanks. My editor at the Mindfood requested the topic because its their end of year/holidays edition.
Back in August I was one of the judges at a New Zealand fitness industry awards event called the Fitness Life Awards. [...]
Most people understand that their thoughts and emotions influence their behavior.
Thoughts/Feelings -> Behavior
For example,
Jane believes “I have to be perfect for people to like and accept me” (thought), feels anxiety, shame and loneliness, and therefore strives to do everything perfectly (behavior).
Jane develops a problem with perfectionism.
1) She feels very anxious when she can’t [...]
This is a tip for when it seems like things keep going wrong.
Try thinking of 3 or 4 things that went right in the last 24 hours.
When people feel unhappy or stressed these emotions tend to lead to thinking biases – we pay extra attention to negative events and overlook positive events.
When we pay extra [...]
Do you have secret (or not so secret) fears about yourself? Things you fear might be true about you? Or things you fear other people might think about you?
Common secret fears include:
I’m out of control
I’m weak
I’m defective
I’m needy
I’m fundamentally different from other people
I’ve failed a lot/made a lot of mistakes
I’m powerless
I’m vulnerable
I’m trapped/stuck
I’m unlovable
I’m ugly
I’m [...]
This post is for people who read or subscribe to my blog who might not have read all of the rest of my website (the blog is only part of the overall site – it’s the relatively informal part).
The links below are likely to be extremely useful for understanding and overcoming specific types of psychological [...]
This is a follow-up post to yesterday’s post about attaining life dreams.
What if you don’t know what you want? You don’t know what surface goals would help you achieve your deep goals?
A good place to start is with what you know you like and extrapolate. For example, if you have a particular skill and have [...]
Continuing the pie chart theme from my last post, this post is about a different type of pie chart that’s commonly used as part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Eating Disorders. Although its mostly used in eating disorders treatment it’s useful for anyone, especially people with low self esteem.
In eating disorder treatment, clients are [...]
Understanding your psychological “raw spots” can help you make sense of your emotional reactions. Understanding other people’s raw spots (e.g. partners’ raw spots) can help you make sense of their emotional reactions.
How to Recognize When a Psychological Raw Spot is being Activated
In the book Hold Me Tight, Professor of Clinical Psychology Dr Sue Johnson [...]
“Psychological payoffs” hook people into behavior patterns that provide some psychological rewards but that also have important downsides. Common examples of these types of patterns of unwanted behavior include: overeating, procrastinating, problematic ways of interacting with other people, excessive spending, and excessive TV or internet.
This post is about how to stop unwanted behavior patterns [...]
In this article, I’m to going to explain the relationships between Self Esteem, Depression, Personality, and Anxiety.
Self Esteem
Self esteem has two main aspects.
1. People’s overall sense of “self worth” and
2. Their sense of their competency in specific domains. For example, you might have healthy self esteem in the domain of Work (e.g. You [...]
What the heck is attributional style?
“Attributional Style” is about how you explain the causes of events. Why you should care about your attributional style is that it’s related to depression, self esteem, and relationship happiness.
Psychologists think of attributions as falling along three dimensions.
1. Stable vs Temporary.
2. Global vs. Specific.
3. Internal vs. External.
(Stick with me this [...]
People with low self esteem tend to have “lower quality relationships” than people with healthy self esteem. Their relationships have less love and trust, and more conflict and ambivalence.
People with low self esteem’s relationships are also less stable (more likely to break up).
Psychologists Dr Sandra Murray and Dr John Holmes developed what’s become a [...]
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