Getting Back That Lovin' Feelin'

By Alice Boyes, PhD. | Uncategorized

Have you ever wondered why couples talk baby talk to each other?

Its because evolution didn’t create a new system for bonding partners together, it just borrowed the system for bonding parents and children.

That’s why couples do a lot of the same things that parents/children do

e.g., baby talk, kissing, touching, eye gazing. Those things originally evolved because they helped encourage parents stay in close proximity to their child, helped the parent and child feel close, helped the child learn to talk etc.

If your relationship has gotten a bit stale and that lovin’ feeling needs to be revitalized, you can try the following.

Because the adult attachment system is borrowed from the parent-child attachment system, the things that people do to show love for their bubbies can also work for revitalizing the love between partners.

Examples

– Kissing

– Touching in a similar way to how parents touch children (e.g., I saw a Dad on the subway today who was touching his child’s feet while the child was sitting in her stroller).

– Playing

– Helping your partner when they are tired (e.g., just like a parent would carry a child when the child was tired, even though the child could walk)

– Helping your partner do something that they find difficult or frustrating.

– Providing comfort when something goes wrong for your partner.

– Giving your partner positive attention.

– Observing your partner with fascination and positive emotions – just like how new parents get super excited about observing their child’s behaviour.

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